Sukulu yatha ndipo mwatsala pang'ono kuyamba msasa wachilimwe sabata yamawa. Kodi ndinu okondwa? Masabata ena asanu ndi atatu olemekezeka anaunjikana m’kanyumba kakang’ono, konunkha ndi anyamata kapena atsikana ena asanu ndi aŵiri ochokera m’mikhalidwe yosiyanasiyana. Ndikukhulupirira kuti padzakhala Goth, jock, slut wanu wamsasa, woponya miyala, komanso namwali. Ndiwe uti? Muyenera kuzilingalira musanapite chifukwa zidzatsimikizira zomwe mudzafunika kunyamula.

Bug spray, fufuzani. Sun block, fufuzani. Chikwama chogona, fufuzani. Mtanda,….? Chani? Simunakumbukire kunyamula uta wanu wodalirika? Kodi sindinanene kuti iyi si msasa wamba? Iyi ndi Camp Slasher!

Chilichonse chomwe mwaphunzira kuchokera ku kanema wowopsa uliwonse womwe wachitikapo pamsasa, kuchokera Lachisanu ndi 13^th ndi Msasa Wogona ku Kampu ya Cheerleader ndi Kuyaka Ayenera kukuphunzitsani momwe mungapulumukire chilimwe chanu, kapena kukupatsani mwayi womenyana. Ngati simunalembe ndikwabwino kuti ndili pano, katswiri wanu wapamsasa, kuti ndikuuzeni zomwe muyenera kulongedza kuti mukwaniritse bwino.

The Camp Goth
Ngati ndinu msasa wa Goth muli ndi zinthu zambiri zomwe muli nazo kuposa momwe mungaganizire. Zitini za Aqua Net kuti mupeze tsitsi lanu louziridwa ndi Cure komanso chopepuka chanu chodalirika kuti musute Ma clove omwe mumakonda adzakhala abwenzi anu apamtima. Instant blow torch! Mukapeza kuti muli pafupi ndi wakupha wovala chigoba, tsegulani mopepuka ndikuwunikira mwana wamba! Ikhoza kusamupha, koma ngati muyang'ana pa nkhope ndi maso idzayika mapazi anayi abwino pakati pa inu ndi iye, kukupatsani nthawi yokwanira yopeza potulukira ndikuthawa!

The downside; nsapato zanu zapamwamba za mainchesi sikisi ndi mathalauza aukapolo ochokera ku Hot Topic akuletsa kuyenda kwanu. Mwayi ndiwokwera kwambiri kuti mudzapunthwa nokha, kupanga nthawi yotsogolera yomwe mwangogula yopanda phindu pamene mukugwira nkhwangwa kumbuyo. Langizo langa kwa inu ndikusiya mathalauza omangika ndi nsapato za chunky kunyumba ndikupita kuzinthu zina zothandiza. Nanga bwanji zazifupi zakuda zokhala ndi ukonde komanso nsapato zankhondo za kick? Chithunzi chanu cha Goth chikhalabe chokhazikika, koma zisankho izi mu zovala zidzakhala zogwira ntchito kwambiri pakuthawa kwanu.

The Camp Jock
Makolo anu akutumizani kumisasa yachilimwe kuti mukatenge nawo mbali m'magulu amasewera ndikusunga minyewayi m'malo mowalola kuti azisangalala m'miyezi yachilimwe pamene mukupita ku keggers ndikusewera masewera apakanema. Sali ochita masewera, sakufuna kukulipirani maphunziro anu aku koleji ngati muli ndi mwayi wopeza maphunziro a baseball. Mwamwayi inu, mwina muli ndi chimodzi mwamaubwino akulu aliwonse aabwenzi anu okhalamo; mphamvu zanu! Mosiyana ndi Shelley Duvall mu Kuwala, luso lanu logwedezera mileme ndikugunda zomwe mukuyang'ana kumakupatsani mwayi wolepheretsa wakupha yemwe akukuthamangitsani. Ngati mungamugwetse pansi ndi kupitiriza kumulira, kapena kuchotsa chida chake m'manja mwake ndikuchigwiritsa ntchito polimbana naye, mutha kukhala ndi mwayi wopha munthu wankhanzayo ndikupulumutsa tsikulo!

Tsoka ilo kugwa kwanu kudzakhala kupusa kwanu. Ndimadana nazo kunena kuti sweetie, koma ndiwe wosayankhula ngati thumba la jockstraps. Mwapha ma cell anu ambiri aubongo omwe akupanga ma fani amowa ndikuyimirira pamaphwando ndi anzanu omwe mumacheza nawo kuti mumalowa pachiwopsezo mukamva phokoso lachilendo. Nditengereni kwa ine, pamene "ch ch ch, ah ah ahs" ikugwa, tenga chinthu chapafupi cha bludgeoning ndikuyamba kugwedezeka. Langizo langa kwa inu ndikunyamula mpira womwe mumakonda kwambiri ndi nsapato zanu zomasuka kwambiri kuti ngati mugogoda wakuphayo mutha kukhala ndi mwayi wokwera mchira kuchokera pamenepo.

 

The Camp Slut
O mnzanga, ukhoza kudziponya pa tsamba la wakuphayo ukangomuona. Sindikudziwa ngati upangiri uliwonse womwe ndingakupatseni woti munyamule ungakulitse mwayi woti mupange sabata yoyamba, ngakhale chilimwe chonse. Kukhala slut kumangokhala m'majini anu, ndipo kumakupangitsani kukhala nyama yosavuta kunja uko. Koma mosasamala kanthu, ndiyesetsa kukupatsani mwayi womenyana.

  
(Chodzikanira: Amuna atha kukhalanso zigololo!)

Kugwa kwanu ndiko kukopa kwanu, chabwino, aliyense. Anyamata, atsikana, ogona msasa, alangizi, onse ndi masewera abwino kwa inu. Ngati wakuphayo anali ndi chilakolako chogonana ndikukhulupirira kuti nayenso akanakhala pa mndandanda wanu. Malangizo anga kwa inu ndi nsapato zomveka komanso opanda miniskirt. Ngati chovala chokhacho "chanzeru" chomwe muli nacho m'matuwa anu ndi akabudula a booty, chabwino, ndi bwino kuposa ma sundress ndi nsapato za nsanja. Mosakayikira muli ndi misomali ya acrylic, kotero ikafika pansi ndipo wakuphayo ali ndi inu pafupi ndi mkono, pitani kwa maso. Inde, zikhala zamanyazi komanso zoyipa, koma ndi mwayi wanu wokhayo akakhala nanu pakhoma ndikutsamwitsani moyo wanu.

 

The Camp Stoner
Ndikuwopa kunena kuti muli m'bwato lomwelo ngati Camp Slut. Mutha kufuna kugwirizana ndikugwira ntchito limodzi. Chibadwa chanu chowunikira mwayi uliwonse womwe mungapeze, chomwe chimakhala chokongola nthawi zonse, chimakuyikani mumtendere wamuyaya wa chisangalalo ndi kusazindikira. Mutha kukhalanso ndi chikwangwani cha "Kill Me" kumbuyo kwanu, koma palibe chifukwa chomwe wakuphayo amatha kununkhiza mphika womwe ukutuluka patali patali.

Sindikutsimikiza kuti mudziwa mokwanira kumvera malangizo omwe ndikukupatsani osasiya kuwasunga, koma ndikudziwa kuti ndayesera, ndiye mukadzamwalira chikumbumtima changa chidzakhala choyera. Popeza kukuuzani kuti musasute n'kopanda phindu kubetcherana kwanu kwabwino ndikukweza wakuphayo ndikukweza dzanja lanu lachiwiri, izi zingamusokoneze mokwanira kuti muthawe. Koma mwina mumangogwedeza mutu m'malo mwake.

 

The Camp Virgin
Mwakhala mukupita kumisasa kwa zaka zambiri, koma aka ndi nthawi yanu yoyamba ku Camp Slasher chifukwa adadi adakusamutsani kuchokera ku Valley kupita ku mzinda wamkati chifukwa akufuna kusintha chipatala cha komweko ngati doc wa ER kwa anthu ochepa komanso olipidwa. chipatala chapafupi. Koma zili bwino ndi inu, chifukwa mukuyembekeza kufunsira mlangizi wa msasa chaka chamawa mukamaliza chaka chomaliza ngati msasa ndi kuthandiza "osowa," zomwe msasawu ukuwoneka kuti uli ndi zambiri. Ndi mwayi bwanji ndikuyambiranso omanga! Ubwino wanu waukulu ndi gawo lanu lotsogola, lokhazikitsidwa ndi banja lanu lokhazikika komanso kukulira m'gulu lapakati mosakayikira. Simulola kuti ziyeso za kugonana, mowa, kapena mankhwala osokoneza bongo zikusokonezeni chifukwa zinthuzo ndi zolakwika ndipo simuchita nawo.

(Chodzikanira: Ngakhale kuti Alice pamapeto pake anakumana ndi imfa yake mu Gawo 2, kumeneko kunali kunyumba. Osati msasa. Ndinati ndikuthandizeni kupulumuka pamsasa.)

Kufooka kwanu kudzakhala mtima wanu waukulu kuthandiza amsasa anzanu. Wakuphayo akazindikira kuti mwavala mtima wanu pamkono wanu, adzagwiritsa ntchito bunkie ngati nyambo kuti akukokereni poyera, ndipo zidzakhala makatani kwa inu nonse. Langizo langa kwa inu ndikuti mulimbitse. Anthu amamwalira ku Camp Slasher, ndi momwe zimakhalira. Simungathe kuwapulumutsa onse. Kuphatikiza apo, tengani maphunziro a kickboxing musanayang'ane kanyumba kanu ndikuzindikira kuti aliyense ndi wake. Inu sindinu othamanga kwambiri msasa, koma muli ndi ubongo wambiri kuposa anzanu ambiri omwe mumakhala nawo m'nyumba, choncho gwiritsani ntchito mutu wanu ndipo nthawi zonse dziwani chida chanu chapafupi komanso kutuluka. Malingana ngati musunga malingaliro anu za inu chinachake chimandiuza kuti mudzapulumuka Camp Slasher.

Osapita kumisasa chilimwe chino? Palibe vuto! Esangalalani ndi makanema owopsa amsasawa!